Child Abuse Prevention Tips

Find a support network for  yourself to help you manage and ease the stress of raising children.

No one should be expected to handle the challenges of raising children  alone.  Finding a support network of  friends, neighbors, family members or community professionals is a great way to  learn new parenting skills, ask questions, and find an adult outlet.  Building a support network will help to  minimize the stress and frustrations that come with being a parent and will  help to minimize those moments when you are “at your wits end”.

If a child tells you they have been abused,  believe them.  Thank them for telling you  and call for help. 

The first reaction that a child hears after disclosing abuse is the  most impactful on their healing.  If a child  discloses abuse to you, do not ask specific questions regarding the abuse  incident.  Call First Witness Child Abuse  Resource Center and speak with an advocate who can help you to decide how to  move forward.

The most important thing you  can do with children in your life is to make sure they feel comfortable talking  to you.  This will help to encourage them  to tell you if someone is hurting or scaring them.

Build a culture within your family of open communication.  Allow your children to ask questions about  their bodies and about sexuality.  When  children understand that their thoughts and concerns will listened to with  calm, patience, and care they are more likely to come forward if they are being  hurt.

When speaking to your  child(ren) about safety, remember that children are most often abused by a  family member or people known to the family.   “Stranger danger” should not be your only focus.

Remember that in cases of child sexual abuse the one thing that an  abuser needs to have is access to your child.   That access is gained through a trusting relationship with the child’s  parent.  Statistically, we know that in  approximately 93% of child sexual abuse cases the abuser is known to the family  and the child.  When we concentrate only  on teaching “stranger danger” we miss the most important risk to young  children.  Children should be taught that  no one should touch their private body parts unless they are keeping them  clean, safe and healthy… even parents, doctors and other relatives.

Learn about ways adults manipulate and  “groom” children in order to abuse them.

Abusers and perpetrators of abuse systematically gain trust and access  to children by a process called “grooming”.   Grooming includes breaking down a child’s defenses, reassuring the  child’s family and the community that they are trustworthy and upstanding, and  gradually eroding the child’s boundaries through inappropriate escalation of  physical contact.  An abuser may try to  engage a child in secrecy and manipulate the child to maintain secrecy.  All children should know that no one should  ask them to keep a secret about touches to their body!

Don’t be afraid to take a “parent time out”  if you feel like you may hurt your child.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need a break from your  children.  All parents feel the  occasional frustration of having to raise kiddos.  Build a network of parents that can help with  your children if you need a break.  The  better able we are to deal with the stress of parenting the less likely we are  to “fly off the handle” and hurt our children.

Educate other family members about the  guidelines you have set up for your children regarding their body and privacy.

Let other family members know that your children can have  the option of a handshake, hug or high five when he or she greets them.  We teach our children that it is okay to say  no to adults about touches they get on their bodies.  It is important that when children say no to  a kiss hello from a relative that their choice is respected.    One way to approach your family regarding  this is to elicit their help ahead of time.   A quick call to grandma or grandpa to let them know that your child will  choose how to greet them will help. You can explain that by teaching your  children that they have a choice about touches they get on their bodies, and by  being able to say “no” to adults about body touches we are helping to keep them  safe.  First Witness can help you find  the best way to speak to your family about personal body safety.

Learn who to report child abuse disclosures  to in your community.

When a child discloses to you that they are being physically  or sexually abused it is important that we as adults know who to contact for  help.  If a child is in immediate danger,  call 911!  If a report needs to be made  to a child protection agency First Witness can help you to figure out whom to  call and can help you to make a report.   In Duluth, child protection reports are made to the Initial Intervention  Unit at (218) 726-2012. 

Place your computer in a public space in your  home so that you can keep an eye on your child(ren)s internet usage.

The internet can be a great source of information for our  children, however it is important to remember that the internet can offer some  risks.  It can be easy for our children  to accidently find inappropriate materials on the internet.  By having the computer in a public space you  can monitor your child(ren)’s exposure to materials on the web.  Even though the risk may be greater for your  children when they get older, setting the standard early on regarding computer  usage (in a public place) will help to lessen risks later.   For more information regarding internet  safety and children, contact First Witness Child Abuse Resource Center.

Speak up when you see inappropriate behavior  between adults and children.

Abuse is encouraged and enabled by silence.  It is imperative that protective adults speak  up when we see interactions that are concerning.  We tend to ignore our instincts when we see  adults we know interact with our children in ways that we don’t like.  We don’t want to upset or offend anyone.  If we speak up we let the child and the adult  know that we are paying attention. 

Educate yourself on alternatives to physical  discipline.

To learn more about alternatives to physical discipline visit  the website of The Center for Effective Discipline at www.stophitting.org

Encourage your child(ren) to trust their  instincts about unsafe situations.  If a  situation feels unsafe or risky, trust that it is and give them ways to get  out.

We as adults make judgment calls everyday based on our  instincts or a “gut” feeling.  It is  important to listen and act on those “gut” feelings if we feel like an adult  may be unsafe around our children.  Most  often those who sexually abuse the children in our lives are those adults that  are known to us and our children.  It can  be very easy to talk ourselves out of “gut” feelings because we don’t want to  think poorly of family, friends and acquaintances.  Ignoring our instincts puts our children at  risk.  When we speak to children about  safe and unsafe touches we talk about the “icky” feeling that kids get when  they are in unsafe situations.  Encourage  your children to speak up about those “icky” feelings, take these statements  seriously and then help your children to make a plan so that they can feel safer  in their interactions.  First Witness  Advocates can help you and your children to listen to instincts and make a plan  for safety.

Teach children not to give out their email  address or phone number while using the internet.

Internet usage is increasing pervasive in the lives of our  children.  While the internet can provide  a wealth of knowledge, it can also be a very dangerous avenue for those who  harm children.  Your children should know  not to post personal information on the web.   This should include any contact information.  Many internet perpetrators will lie about  their age to entice children into trusting them and then persuade them into  giving out personal information.  Your  child(ren) should never give out their email, phone number or other personal  information to anyone on the internet.

Teach child(ren) that no one should ask them  to keep secrets about body touches and that all secret touches are unsafe  touches.

There is no reason that any one should ever ask your child  to keep a secret about touches on their body.   Even when touches are seemingly innocent, no one should keep secrets  about touches.  Tell your children to  tell you if someone asks them to keep a secret about personal body  touches.  Telling children to keep  secrets about touches builds a relationship that can seem “special” based on  the implied “intimacy” that a secret can bring.   This false sense of a “special” relationship can be confusing to  children and can make them confused as to whether they are safe or not.   All “secret” touches are unsafe!

Get to know the important adults in your  child(ren)'s life.   i.e. teachers,  coaches, group leaders and daycare providers.

By forming relationships and getting to know the adults in  your child’s life you are telling those adults that you are involved and  interested in what is happening between them and your children.  This awareness that parents are involved will  help to keep your children safe.

Children should know that no one should touch  their private body parts unless they are keeping them clean, safe, and healthy.

Rather than teach children that only certain people (mom,  dad, grandma, doctor) can touch their private body parts, we teach about when  touches are safe.  Touches to the private  parts are only safe if the person touching them is helping to keep them clean,  safe or healthy.  We teach children that  even in these “clean, safe, and healthy” situations, if they feel confused or  “icky” about a touch, they should tell an adult.  It is an adult’s job to help kids figure out  if a touch is safe or unsafe!

Allow your child(ren) to decide how to say  hello and goodbye to family and friends.   If your child(ren) doesn’t want to hug or kiss, offer handshakes or high  fives. 

By allowing your young children to decide  how to greet others we are instilling in them control over touches they give  and get from others.  Children need to  understand that they get to decide about touches to their personal bodies.  By being respected in choosing how they greet  others, children learn that it is okay for them to speak up and say “no” about  touches they receive or give to others.   This can help diminish the risk of future abuse.   It is especially important that children  understand that they can say “no” to adults regarding personal body touches.

It is  normal for children to ask questions about their body.  When a child has questions, be calm,  receptive, and encourage them to continue coming to you in the future.

One of the most important things that you  as a parent can do is to create a relationship of open communication with your  child regarding their body and their sexuality.   When we respond to children’s questions or actions with shame or anger  we teach, through our actions and words, that we don’t discuss such things.  By responding in a calm manner we enforce  that we as parents are open to hearing your concerns about your body and your  sexuality.  This encourages and reassures  your child that if something of concern happens to them, they can come to you  for help.  We tell children that the best  way to make unsafe touches stop is to “tell, tell, tell”.  By encouraging open communication we are  teaching children that we will listen, believe, and help to keep them safe.

Let your  child(ren) set boundaries for their body and respect these boundaries.  If your child(ren) doesn’t like tickles or  back rubs, teach them it is okay to say no to these touches from anyone  including adults.

Helping your children set personal body  boundaries will help them to identify that they have control over touches they  get on their body.  By beginning with  seemingly innocent touches like tickles or backrubs, we are reinforcing general  respect for other personal space as well as respect for our own personal  space.   One tactic of sexual offenders  is to begin touching children in seemingly innocent ways to slowly break down a  child’s boundaries.  This is called  “Grooming”.  Understanding that they can  say “no” to adults even about non-sexual touches can help to protect children.

Children  are vulnerable to abuse because they rely on adults for care.  As parents or caring adults we can’t protect  children from everything.  However, we  can come together to educate ourselves on effective prevention.

You can educate yourself on the real risks of  sexual abuse.   You can begin to learn  about appropriate sexual development in children so that you can recognize  inappropriate sexual behaviors that may indicate abuse.  You can learn about how to speak to your  children about “safe and “unsafe” touch.   You can learn how to speak to others about respecting your child’s  personal body boundaries.  You can also  learn about how offenders “groom” victims so that you can understand what to  watch for with the adults in your child’s life.    First Witness offers education on all of  these topics.

Help your  children to identify 5 trusted adults to whom they can turn for help.  Include adults at school, in the neighborhood  or in your faith community.

We know that the best way to end an  abuse situation is for adults to protect children.  At First Witness we teach children to “tell,  tell, tell” if someone gives them an unsafe touch.  You can help your children to identify adults  they can go to if they need help.  It is  important that children identify more than just you as a parent.  They are not always around you, and sometimes  children do not disclose to a parent because they have been told that they will  get in trouble.